Friday, September 11, 2009

The Contender & Ender

The Contender: Alfred
Ender's Game: Ender
Setting: The gym and a diner

Alfred sat on the locker bench for a long time thinking about what Donatelli had just told him. Alfred would not be fighting anymore. Donatelli knew that he just didn't have the drive a boxer needed to consistently be a champion. Deep inside, Alfred knew it too. He had never really wanted to hurt people. He was just trying to prove to himself that he was good enough to accomplish something in life.

Alfred quietly walked out of the locker room. A few stray people were training in the gym. Alfred left and the door closed behind him with a thud. He walked home, in a bit of a daze. His mind was clouded with thoughts. One thing he knew for sure, if he wanted to really be somebody, he'd have to find something to do. Something important. Alfred decided to go get something to eat. It was getting late and he hadn't yet eaten dinner.

The diner was cold, but Alfred was warm from the gym, so it didn't matter. A boy who looked about ten was sitting at the counter drinking a soda. He looked at Alfred and motioned for him to sit down.

"My name's Ender," the boy said.

"Mine's Alfred,"

"You look like you've got a problem," Ender said.

The man at the counter came over and Alfred ordered some food and glass of water. He was really thirsty.

"Yeah, I actually do. You see, I' ve been boxing over at Donatelli's gym and now... he told me I just don't have it. I mean I don't have the drive to really hurt someone. I've won fights, but I just don't want to hurt people. I felt like a nobody for a long time. But now that I've been training and fighting, I feel like there is more for me to do."

Ender nodded. "I may look like I haven't done much in my life because I'm so young, but I know what you're going through. For a long time I felt that I had no purpose. Then one day I found I had a real purpose. I helped a lot of people. Don't give up on yourself. You have a purpose in life. You'll find it soon."

"What did you say your name was again?"

"Ender Wiggin."

"Thanks Ender. I feel a whole lot better now. I've got to go now," said Alfred.

"Just remember to not give up," Ender said, "Good luck and good-bye."

Alfred got up and left. His mind was clearer now, and he knew that he was going to do something important. He was going to go back to school. he knew that it wouldn't be easy, but he wanted to rise above all the people in gangs in the city. He wanted to be somebody. He wanted to be a contender. Not in the boxing ring, but in life. He wanted to make a difference.

Alfred thought, "I don't have to be a person who performs miracles, if I can help one person in life, it'll be all worth it."

Alfred walked up the stairs and entered his aunt's apartment.


  1. Very good description, but it doesn't have much dialog in it. you may want to have more conversation between the two characters in your story. otherwise it was very good.

  2. I think that the story was very good. Having read the Contender myself, I understood the way that Alfred's mood chages when someone gives him guidance. I can just picture Alfred telling his story while ender gives him advice, carefully hiding his secret without Alfred becoming suspicious.

    Alfred and Ender's conversation was very intruiging. Ender really understood how to tell Alfred that he had a purpose, without giving his exact story of how he figured it out. Alfred responded just as he would in The Contender. He was in low spirits, but after recieving guidance from a friend, he was in better spirits. He figured out that boxing wasn't his purpose, but boxing showed him that he could have a purpose if he contended.

    My favorite line was "I don't have to be a person who performs miracles, if I can help one person in life it will all be worth it." Alfred really was showing that he understood that he could have a purpose even if he wasn't the best at what he did. He just needs to help others, and contened. This line was definently a great ending line.

    One problem I had with the essay was the reason Alfred was told by Donatelli that he would not be fighting was different. In the book, it's because he wins fights, but doesn't contened. In this story, it's Alfred doesn't have the drive to hurt people. It distracted me a bit from the stories initial plot. It seemed that if Alfred wanted to, he could overcome this problem.

    I think this was written almost perfecly. Nothing was out of place, the conversation was authentic, and the story went together incredibly well. One piece of advice I would give is to think about the plot for a little bit before typing. The report was great otherwise, probably the most detailed I've read.